Obi Land

Dreams

You'd think I'd know better by now. You'd think I could get it through my thick skull that this is wrong, all of it. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! But no, I have to be an idiot. I have to go along with it all day every day, and then all night too. Why do I even bother anymore? It's not like I can leave him. It's not like I'm any more capable of turning my back on him than he is of leaving me.

Maybe I really don't want to. Even if he's not a very perfect person, he is a beautiful one. When we were little everyone would talk about how cute he is. Now everyone stares at him in wordless awe as he walks by, basking in his beauty. Most of them feel privileged just to breath the same air as him.

Idiots.

Just because his raven black hair shines perfectly in the sunlight, and just because his deep obsidian eyes stare out like bottomless pools of ink, and just because his ivory skin glistens in the sunlight when he's been training all day and his hair is plastered to his face doesn't mean he's worth it.

He's really not. All he can do with those eyes is glare angrily, or ignore. His skin isn't half as soft and perfect as it looks. It's rough and covered in all kinds of scars. His hair is soft, yes, but when it shines in the moonlight, it means pain, not happiness. He's rough with everyone, impatient with those weaker than himself, hateful of anyone stronger. Even to me, all he can show is bitterness.

He won't even show me his pain.

I've seen all his physical self, night after night. I've seen his eyes stare blankly as I feel his body move only because of a physical need. He won't speak nicely, not even to fool me.

That's not right. He said something nice before. First I was his friend, and then he told me something else. He probably didn't mean it though. When does he ever mean anything? After telling me I was his closest friend, the bastard tried to kill me!

But he wouldn't lie to me. He never lies, and he never breaks a promise. He's loyal in his own, twisted way, really. And he never lies. So, when he told me... when he whispered, "I love you." he was telling the truth, right? 'Cause, why would he lie to me when he's never lied before?

Though, I'll bet he's forgotten. He went right back to normal after that. He's normal now, asleep, but normal. It's strange how peaceful he looks when he sleeps, when his dream is nice anyway. He has nightmares a lot. That's the only time I can see how much he hurts. He'll toss, and turn, and scream, and cry, and writhe in pain all night long if I let him. It's so hard to just ignore it though, even when I want to let him suffer in his mind, if not in reality, he just seems to hurt so much that I wake him with a soothing touch, whispering, "It'll be okay, Sasuke." as softly as I can.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe he cries because he can't tell me that he loves me anymore. Only, then I realize he doesn't love me, if he did I wouldn't feel like nothing more than an empty shell with no face every time I see him. Sometimes I think I could be anyone, and he only chose me because I would let him do whatever he wants, but I'll never tell. No one will ever know.

I lie down beside him, ignoring a solitary tear, rolling down his cheek. I close my eyes and just lie there. I can't sleep, but it doesn't matter. If I pretend to sleep I'm rested enough at least for part of a night anyway.

He wakes up beside me. I can tell because he breathes in sharply and the covers move away from me. I feel his calloused fingers brush so lightly against my cheek I almost think I've fallen asleep, having a dream.

A wet drop falls on my cheek, and warm air hits my face even softer than his fingers. "Hey, Naruto… I…" He pauses slightly, almost as though saying this is physically painful. "I'm sorry, Naruto. I love you."

He said it again.

Just like last time, he thinks I'm asleep, and his voice would be drowned out if someone in the next room dropped a pen. Only, it's so full of emotion that I can barely tell it's him. More drops of water fall onto my face. He must be crying, but why would he just be hovering there above me.

"I love you… Naruto."

I open my eyes, just to see if it really is him. It wouldn't be hard for me to be dreaming this; in my dreams, he always loves me… with all his heart. Now I know it's not him, it can't be him because even though I can see and hear him he's smiling and he says, "I love you." again, as though I hadn't heard the first two times.

Even though I know it's not real, and even though I know this can't possibly be any more than a dream I whisper to him so softly that I think he can tell I'm afraid to break this precious illusion. "I love you too."

When I do wake up, I know it had to be a dream. Except… when I turn my head he's smiling at me, and his arms are wrapped protectively around me. When he kisses me it's a real kiss, even if it is only a slight peck. Now I remember, I fell asleep after I told him. It was real, not a dream. What if this is a dream too? What if it's not real? But he seems to know what I'm thinking and pinches my arm slightly.

And it is real… Sasuke does love me, the way he always had in my dreams.